Edmund's Mother Grand 81st Birthday Celebration in Kuching

Edmund Song and siblings kindly invited us to their dearest mum, Datin Ong Peng Yian, 81st Grand Birthday celebration at Bangkok Thai Seafood Restaurant on the 27th December 2006 in Kuching.

My wife and I met Dr Phillip Bong there with his wife and we shared the same table with them. The dinner started and there was a very nice slideshow put together by Datin Ong's grandchildren of her life.

Oh; the food was very nice as well! Particulary the 'shanghai mixed vegetables' with lots of tasty and crunchy almond flakes /slices. Super yummy!

There was the cutting of the birthday cake of course and that's Edmund Song on the right in the photo with his son Ian on his left, who has recently graduated in Melbourne as an engineer.

With courses, after courses of delicious dishes, dessert was finally served together with a very big pear-shape bun which we do not know what to make of it! The waiter gingerly cut it and when we got impatient waiting to find out what was inside we finally used our hands to tear it opened! And there were smaller more bite-sized buns with sweet fillings inside!

Our thanks to David, Mervyn, Edmund and Maureen Song for the lovely evening.

Congratulations and our very best wishes to Datin Ong Pheng Yian.
What a great achievement to be 81!

Joke for William to WAKE (box) HIM UP!

A guy gets a pay raise and decides to get a new scope for his rifle. He goes to the gun dealer and asks the assistant to show him one. The assistant says, ‘This scope is so good that you can see my condo all the way up on that hill.’ The man takes and look through the scope and starts laughing.

‘What’s so funny?’ asks the assistant.

‘Well, I see a naked man and a naked woman running around the bedroom.’

The assistant grabs the scope from the man and looks through it. Then he hands the customer two bullets and says, ‘I’ll give you the scope for free if you can take these two bullets, shoot my wife’s head off and shoot the guy’s dick off.’

The customer takes another look through the scope and says, ‘You know what? I think I can do that with one shot.’

Merry Christmas Greetings From Kuching

'Buddy' looking back towards our house from the jetty on Christmas eve

Merry Christmas greetings to all of you scattered around the globe from us in Kuching - the "bestest" place on earth!

Guess Who I Met at Xmas Carolling

I was at my cousin's house last night and he had arranged for christmas carolling which were nicely performed by the Kuching girl's and boy's brigade afterwhich I was approached by the troupe leader inquiring if I'm Francis Ho seeing that I still have my kayaks strapped on top of my car! (I had just came back from a kayaking trip and had not taken down my kayaks yet before rushing to the gathering)

I've not met him before until that evening but one of us sure has! Surprise huh? ;)

The Lost Purse

A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills."

The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."

Winter Solstice or 'Tung Chieh' Festival

Today is the Tung Chieh festival and one of the must-have is is the marble-shaped ‘tang yuan’ or glutinous rice ball – a traditional dessert. On the left are the photos of some made by my kids which I took last year. One more thing about this date is that Chinese New Year is just 6 weeks away!

Here are the rest of the facts about this important chinese festival which most of us would have forgotten or worst - never even aware of in the first place ... *sigh*

As early as 2,500 years ago, about the Spring and Autumn Period (770-476 BC), China had determined the point of Winter Solstice by observing movements of the sun with a sundial. It is the earliest of the 24 seasonal division points. The time will be each December 22 or 23 according to the Gregorian calendar.

The Northern hemisphere on this day experiences the shortest daytime and longest nighttime. After the Winter Solstice, days will become longer and longer. As ancient Chinese thought, the yang, or muscular, positive things will become stronger and stronger after this day, so it should be celebrated.

The Winter Solstice became a festival during the Han Dynasty (206 BC-220 AD) and thrived in the Tang and Song dynasties (618-1279). The Han people regarded Winter Solstice as a "Winter Festival", so officials would organize celebrating activities. On this day, both officials and common people would have a rest. The army was stationed in, frontier fortresses closed and business and traveling stopped. Relatives and friends presented to each other delicious food. In the Tang and Song dynasties, the Winter Solstice was a day to offer scarifies to Heaven and ancestors. Emperors would go to suburbs to worship the Heaven; while common people offered sacrifices to their deceased parents or other relatives. The Qing Dynasty (1644-1911) even had the record that "Winter Solstice is as formal as the Spring Festival," showing the great importance attached to this day.

In some parts of Northern China, people eat dumpling soup on this day; while residents of some other places eat dumplings, saying doing so will keep them from frost in the upcoming winter. But in parts of South China, the whole family will get together to have a meal made of red-bean and glutinous rice to drive away ghosts and other evil things. In other places, people also eat tangyuan, a kind of stuffed small dumpling ball made of glutinous rice flour. The Winter Solstice rice dumplings could be used as sacrifices to ancestors, or gifts for friends and relatives. The Taiwan people even keep the custom of offering nine-layer cakes to their ancestors. They make cakes in the shape of chicken, duck, tortoise, pig, cow or sheep with glutinous rice flour and steam them on different layers of a pot. These animals all signify auspiciousness in Chinese tradition. People of the same surname or family clan gather at their ancestral temples to worship their ancestors in age order. After the sacrificial ceremony, there is always a grand banquet.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year 2007!

What happens when team blogs switch to the new version of Blogger?

A team blog will only switch to the new version of Blogger when the original owner moves his or her account over.

Team members who have not yet switched to the new version will still see the blog on their dashboards, but it will be grayed out and inaccessible. Once those members move their own accounts to the new version of Blogger, they will be able to access the blog as before. If they can't yet switch, or don't wish to, they can ask the owner of the blog for a new invitation to join the blog on the new version. They can then accept that invitation by logging in to or creating a Google Account to post to that blog. (Later on, when they do switch their Blogger account to the new version, they'll have an option to merge it with this account.)

If a team member of a blog switches their account to the new version of Blogger before the blog owner does, then the team blog is not converted. It will appear on the team member's converted dashboard, but clicking on it will lead back to the old version of Blogger. Thus, the blog will still be usable, but without the new features of Blogger (e.g. Labels, Layouts, etc.).

Special case for blogs that have been moved to different accounts: In the previous version of Blogger, the team member who originally created a blog could be removed from the team. This is not possible in the new version of Blogger, where each blog must have an owner who cannot be removed. Thus, a new owner is assigned to these blogs.

Where there is only one admin member on the blog, that person becomes the new owner of the blog after they switch to the new version of Blogger. If there are multiple admins, then the last person to switch becomes the new owner. The other members will still have admin rights, but the new owner will be the permanent member and owner of the blog. So if you have a team blog that fits this description (i.e. the original creator is no longer part of the blog) you can coordinate among your members to decide who will take ownership of it.

Are You In the List?

1. Robert Kuok

$5.6 billion

83. Married. 8 children.

Got start in 1949 trading rice, sugar and wheat flour. Today heads multinational Kuok Group. His Pacific Carriers Ltd. is a leading dry-bulk shipper in the Pacific basin; his Transmile Group, which transports freight by air, has landing rights in China and India. Also owns 10 Coca-Cola (nyse: KO - news - people ) bottling plants in China.

2 . Ananda Krishnan

$4.6 billion

68. Divorced. 3 children.

Former oil trader's holdings include Maxis Communications, Malaysia's largest cell phone service provider; now entering Indian cell phone market with acquisition of 74% stake in Aircel Ltd. for $1.1 billion. His Tanjong Plc.'s subsidiary, Powertek Berhad, paid $300 million for three Egyptian subsidiaries of energy giant EDF in March. Also controls racetrack betting and lottery systems in Malaysia.

3. Teh Hong Piow

$2.1 billion

76. Married. 4 children.

Former bank clerk used profits from real estate deal to open small bank 1966. Today Public Bank second-largest lender in Malaysia, with 12,800 employees and 251 branches. Public Bank's Islamic banking products and services gaining popularity among Malaysia's Muslims. Loves photography; avid reader.

4. Lee Shin Cheng

$2.05 billion

67. Married. 6 children.

Started out as field supervisor in plantation industry. Now heads IOI, with interests in palm oil, property development and hotels. Set up largest palm oil refinery in Europe, which recently started production. Company's stock up 70% in past year, driven by hype surrounding biofuel (gasoline or diesel mixed with palm oil to cut oil costs and pollution).

5. Quek Leng Chan

$2 billion

65. Married. 3 children.

Heads Hong Leong Group Malaysia, a conglomerate of 14 listed companies traded on various stock exchanges. Includes Asian financial services giant Guoco Group. His Hong Leong Bank has bid an estimated $460 million to buy Hong Kong's Asia Commercial Bank (other-otc: CBDP.PK - news - people ); one of two finalists. His Hong Leong Group is also in talks to sell its OYL Industries Bhd., which makes air conditioners.

6. Lim Goh Tong

$1.5 billion

88. Married. 6 children.

Former public works contractor turned his idea for hilltop resort on outskirts of Malaysia's capital city, Kuala Lumpur, into one of world's most successful casino resorts; his First World Hotel now has 5,675 rooms. Retired in late 2003, handed reins to son Lim Kok Thay (ranked number 10). Wrote autobiography titled My Story.

7. Yeoh Tiong Lay

$1.1 billion

76. Married. 7 children.

Patriarch (otcbb: PRRH.OB - news - people ) of Yeoh family heads YTL Corp., one of Malaysia's largest conglomerates, with interests in construction, utilities, hotels, property development and technology. Son Francis YTL's managing director. Company hopes to benefit from $54 billion development plan recently unveiled by the government. Related Starhill REIT listed in December.

8. Tiong Hiew King

$1.05 billion

70. Married. 3 children.

His Rimbunan Hijau Group got its start in 1975 as a timber contractor. Operations now span Malaysia, New Zealand and Africa. Maintains that his logging operations benefit local communities. In recent years his publishing house, Ming Pao Enterprises, has introduced local editions of Chinese-language daily Ming Pao in cities like San Francisco, New York, Vancouver and Toronto.

To find out who else is on the list read here. *sigh*

We Have Switched to the NEW BLOGGER!

Congratulations! Your move to the new Blogger is complete.

You can now access your dashboard at http://www.blogger.com/ using your Google Account and start using the new features right away.

Happy blogging,
The Blogger Team

We have made the move to the NEW Blogger since it is out of beta already!

To see what’s new take a look here - http://www.blogger.com/beta-tour.g

I had just recently blogged about this in this post - http://vintage74.blogspot.com/2006/12/new-blogger.html that one of the incentive for the move is security or privacy. I'll implement this once everyone has gotten the hang of the "New Blogger". I'll need to change the template as well to take advantage of the new features.

Another reason is that we can not labels our posts so that it would be easier to search for old posts. I’ll be setting up the labels (or categories) such as Reunions/Gatherings, Kuching Stuff, Food, Travels, Personal, etc. You'll see this at the bottom of the Create Post window. I'll label this post as under "Our Blog".

Create a private blog

Want to share your thoughts with just family and friends, not the whole world? The new Permissions tab in Settings makes it easy to control who can view and contribute to your blog.

Add authors so multiple people can post to your blog.

Choose who can view your blog just by adding their email address.

Our blog may be in a bit of a mess now due to the switch but I’ll take advantage of the Christmas holidays to spend some time to sort it out! I hope you can be patient and will bear with us over this period! Cheers!

One Fine Sunday Afternoon In Kuching

Doreen Chin, all the way from Alberta, Canada, was in town for the Marian (St Mary's School) Reunion Dinner on saturday night and Geok Lian flew in from Singapore as well for this dinner. I was not prepared to dorn a dress so I'd to forsake the dinner ... *sigh*

Anyway, Geok Lian organised a lunch get together for sunday and I being the 'kay-po' (and fussy about food - I wasn't prepared to give up my sunday kayaking for lousy food!) that I was; caused a change in venue for the meet. We met at the "Shanghai Restaurant" (top level of Loke Thian Restaurant) at noon.

standing: Tsui Pheng, Geok Lian, Francis Ho, Irene Lim, Lim Lian Kee
seated: Doreen Chin and Nancy Foo

It was a very nice dim-sum lunch and Lim Lian Kee generously picked up the bill. We suspected that he needed the receipt for his taxation purposes ... *ahem*

This is Mr. Bean , himself besides his 'funky' van-car that has space behind the back seats for prisoners or dogs! No kidding!After the very nice lunch, I invited everyone over to my house for coffee and to show them that I really do have a jetty and a river at my place! Here are the lovely ladies at the jetty.
Doreen Chin, Geok Lian, Nancy Foo, Irene Lim & Tsui Pheng.

We then went inside for coffee and freshly home-baked pastries by my wife. It's the durian season now in Kuching; and as a durian lover, I have fine 'yellow-flesh' durians (from Borneo Highlands) to offer as well which Doreen, Irene and Geok Lian said are the best they had tasted for a long time. Of course mah! Kuching durians are the bestest in the whole wide world! *burp*

Back in the Summer of '76

Once upon a time on a bus in Sydney, New South Wales, Australia ...

An unarmed Edmund Song (we left for Sydney together) with Francis Ho (yes, I had hair then) while I believe that the two 'girls' behind us are Thomas Yong (looking out through the windows. I wonder where's he now?) and Simon Lim (grimacing at the camera).

I can't recall who the photographer was (Philip or Phang Teck Min?) as it was too many summers ago ... Can Edmund and Simon recall? Memories ... sweet memories ...

New Blogger

I'm eagerly awaiting the new version of "Blogger" which is still currently under "Beta"; particularly of this feature which a few of you are quite concerned about ...

I'll make the switch at the opportune time and inform you all accordingly. Okay? Hopefully with this privacy in place, we can look forward to more postings from our 'shy' ex-schoolmates!

Private blogs

Create a blog visible to just your friends and family, not the whole world.

Do You Have Any Privacy Left?

Season's greeting to you, my old friends and ex-classmates..

Hi! If you are celebrating christmas as I do, I wish you a merry christmas. If you do not, I wish you a happy new year. As we close yet another year of our life, we will take with us more memories..Let me share with you, some of mine..

Dinner & Dance

My hospital's annual Dinner & Dance is a fine time for us to 'let our hair down', to enjoy fine food and be entertained by a professional DJ who, without fail, will always have a list of hilarious programmes lined up
to make one double over with laughter. The theme changes every year. I remember that in 1998 our table presented the Flintstone family and I was Flintstone. Another year I was Count Dracula. In 2005 I was the Grand High Witch from Roald Dahl's "The Witches" (See pic).










This year I appeared as a flamboyant playboy (picture). You see (wink) this costume was inspired by my encounter with a mannequin when I was just a young man. I was not the only one enthralled by it as you can see. The shops were already closed at Serbekas Shopping Centre in Kuching but four restless souls were on the prowl...We came across this mannequin in the foyer and also came face to face with the security guard. No, we were not jailed. We got him to take a picture with us..with the mannequin! But that is not to be posted!

Marian "Nite of the Golden Girls" -class of 73 reunion Akan Datang

Just a little 'advert" - not the longhouse brand.
The Marians class of 73 (including all class mates during the years of 63 to 73) are invited to the "Nite of the Golden Girls" on 16 December. No gate crushers eh!! but you're invited if you come in a dress.
Venue - Kingwood Inn, Kuching (of course!)
Time: 6.30 - 7pm
Dress code: Casual.

If you know of any of the golden girls who "qualify", please email to either Irene Lim or myself as we need to confirm numbers & food.

For those not able to come, do send some inspirational messages - I know em, Chui Peng, Mesa, Vera are not able to make it but planning for another one next year. So, do send something to us so that we can post it for the nite.

PS - I forgot how to do post & had to refer to the instructions by Blog Administrator in August. Thank you FH20.

30 Years Ago.... somewhere in the outback

While my 'doc' friends were burning their midnight candle and pouring their hearts out on their books, some boys just wanna have fun...




And I must admit.... it had been fun.





Today, it's tennis and golf, and travelling around with my sons and friends




Life is too short for the small stuff.... so lighten up and have fun, and start sharing your life and photos on our blog


P/S I trust there is no RSPCA persons around

Photo shoot

The frustrations of trying to take a perfect photo...

It's time to listen to carols - Trans Siberian Orchestra

Have A Wonderful Weekend!

The weekend may be a good time to catch up on some exercise ...

Have a wonderful time but be careful not to overindulge ...

He's not as you're drunk as I think you are...

Discover Fun & Adventure

Since this William is 'forever' plugging for his "Longhouse Brand" coffee powder and laksa paste; I'll also do a little plug here for my 'Rainforest Kayaking Trips'.

My kayaking trip is featured in the latest and greatest information web guide to Kuching - "The Guides info". They intend this to be the premier guide on the web for all the attractions in Kuching. This video clip is the feature in their 'soft-launch' today. The spotlight is on me so to speak! *ahem*

So here's the clip (click on the thumbnail to go to www.revver.com to view) featuring yours truly in it for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy!

And if you have QuickTime already installed on your PC, you can view it below. QuickTime is a free download and the installation is easy and painless.

RAINFOREST KAYAKING ADVENTURE

This is a ‘must-do’ experience for nature lovers and the adventurous and outdoor person visiting Kuching. Kayak through the rainforests on a meandering river in the Bau district, about an hour’s drive from Kuching. You begin your adventure in Krokong village beneath a suspension pedestrian bridge....(more)

watch the widescreen video 720x400 pixels (QuickTime required)

Our Winner for "Lazy Blogger of the Year" ...

This year Class of '74 & '75 "Lazy Blogger of the Year" award goes to . . . . . . .

. .
~
. .
~
. .
~
. .
~

*applause, applause, applause please!!* . . . . . .

. .
~

. .
~

. .
~

... to self-confessed sloth Ed. Tan a.k.a 'White-Elephant-Ed'!

Mr. Tan, you may now go and collect your award T-Shirt from Willie at anytime to your convenience . . . . *sigh*
Note: Edmund, would you like to sponsor a bottle of Amway Co-Enzyme Q10?

hmmm ... I think we should get some reaction now!
(Run Francis Run! hehee!)

Forever Young

Bob Dylan and Bruce Springsteen singing Bob Dylan's Forever Young



[This is Joan Baez singing the song]

Lyrics
May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every one
May you stay
Forever young

Chorus
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young

May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be true
May you stay
Forever young

[Chorus]

May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
May your song always be sung
May you stay
Forever young

[Chorus]

Eternity (The One Word Sermon)

* This is a true story *

Arthur Stace was a loser, a no-hoper, an alcoholic and completely illiterate. He lived in the streets of Sydney, regarded by many who saw him as a lost cause.

One Sunday night in 1932 he entered St Barnabas' Anglican Church on Broadway, Sydney, and heard the Reverend T. C. Hammond preach the gospel of Jesus Christ. The Banner of Truth has published a paperback biography of T. C. Hammond. Arthur was convicted by the Spirit of God. He left the church, crossed the road, and sat under a tree in Victoria Park where he committed his life to Jesus Christ. He had become a new creation.

Later that year he was at the Burton Street Baptist Tabernacle on the corner of Palmer Street, Darlinghurst when he heard the evangelist John G Ridley preaching.

In his urgent, commanding voice, John Ridley cried, "Eternity! Eternity! Oh, that this word could be emblazoned across the streets of Sydney!"

Arthur Stace the little man who still could not read or write left that church, took some yellow chalk, bent down and wrote one word on the footpath. And throughout the night for the next 40 years, while Sydney slept, Arthur would take his chalk and write in immaculate copperplate handwriting the word "eternity" on footpaths, entrances to the train station, and anywhere else he thought it would catch people's attention.

Sydneysiders would alight from their commuter trains of a morning and see this word as they walked to work.

In Sydney today, you can still see the word in three places...

1) On his gravestone in Waverley Cemetery, commemorating the life of Arthur Stace who had become known as 'Mr Eternity'.

2) Inside the huge bell in the GPO clock tower which had been dismantled during the second world war. When the clock tower was rebuilt in the 1960s, the bell was brought out of storage and as the workmen were installing the bell they noticed, inside, the word "eternity" in Arthur Stace's chalk. (No one ever found out how Stace had been able to get to the bell, which had been sealed up, to add this mysterious entry to Sydney's folklore.)

3) In Town Hall Square, between St Andrew's Cathedral and the Sydney Town Hall. When the area was redeveloped in the 1970s, a solid brass replica of the word in Stace's original copperplate handwriting was embedded in the footpath near a fountain as an eternal memorial to Arthur Stace.

As the year 2000 was welcomed, the word "eternity" in Stace's handwriting, was emblazoned NOT across the streets of Sydney as John Ridley had wished, but across the face of the Sydney Harbour Bridge and, thanks to modern technology, was seen around the world.

Of all the words that have been spoken during the first two millennia, the one chosen by otherwise-godless people to be featured on the Harbour Bridge at the dawn of the year 2000, is the one that was used to remind so many busy Sydneysiders of their impending appointment with their Creator.

Because Sydney's fireworks display was the first of the international celebrations to be telecast around the globe, people in every continent witnessed the miracle that God performed when he touched the life of one little, 'insignificant' man - Arthur Stace - a man who heard the voice of God and responded by committing his life to 'preaching' his one-word sermon.

Heaven only knows how God will continue to speak to the hearts of so many people around the globe, using the work He started back in the 1930s through Arthur Stace and his piece of yellow chalk.

Ron Bevis
Maroubra Baptist Church, Sydney.

THE PRICE OF A MIRACLE

Tess was a precocious eight years old when she heard her Mom and Dad talking about her little brother, Andrew. All she knew was that he was very sick and they were completely out of money. They were moving to an apartment complex next month because Daddy didn't have the money for
the doctor bills and our house. Only a very costly surgery could save Andrew now and it was looking like there was no-one to loan them the money. She heard Daddy say to her tearful Mother, with whispered desperation, "Only a miracle can save him now."

Tess went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet. She poured all the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even. The total had to be exactly
perfect. No chance here for mistakes. Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall's Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door. She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention but he was too intently talking to another man to be bothered by an eight year old at this moment. Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good. Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the
glass counter.

That did it!

"And what do you want?" the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice. "I'm talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven't seen in ages," he said without waiting for a reply to his question.

"Well, I want to talk to you about MY brother," Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. "He's really, really sick ...and I want to buy a miracle."

"I beg your pardon?" said the pharmacist. "His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how much does a miracle cost?"

"We don't sell miracles here, little girl. I'm sorry but I can't help you." the pharmacist said, softening a little.

"Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn't enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs."

The pharmacist's brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, "What kind of a miracle does you brother need?"

"I don't know," Tess replied with her eyes welling up. "I just know he's really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy can't pay for it, so I want to use my money.

"How much do you have?" asked the man from Chicago.

"One dollar and eleven cents," Tess answered barely audibly. "And it's all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to."

"Well, what a coincidence," smiled the man. "A dollar and eleven cents-the exact price of a miracle for little brothers."

He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said "Take
me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let's see if I have the kind of miracle you need."

That well dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, surgeon, specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed without charge and it wasn't long until Andrew was home
again and doing well.

Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place. "That surgery," her Mom whispered. "was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost?

Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost...one dollar and eleven cents...plus the faith of a little child.

Life Begins At Fifty

Maybe it's true that LIFE BEGINS AT FIFTY

But everything else starts to

wear out, fall out, or spread out.

There are three signs of old age.

The first is your loss of memory.

The other two I forget.

You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes,

just as long as you don't have to go along.

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.

Statistics show that at the age of seventy,

there are five women to every man.

Isn't that the darndest time for a guy to get those odds?

You know you're getting on in years when

the girls at the office start confiding in you.

Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,

he's too old to go anywhere.

Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends,

and have begun to grow in the middle.

Of course I'm against sin;

I'm against anything that I'm too old to enjoy.

Billy Graham has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends.

What must hell possibly be like?

Home videos of the same reunion?

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned

to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

Middle age is having a choice of two temptations

and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

You know you're into middle age when you realize

that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

At my age, "getting a little action" means

I don't need to take a laxative.

Don't worry about avoiding temptation.

As you grow older, it will avoid you.

The aging process could be slowed down

if it had to work its way through Congress.

You're getting old when getting lucky means

you find your car in the parking lot.

You're getting old when you're sitting

in a rocker and you can't get it started.

You're getting old when your wife gives up sex for Lent,

and you don't know until the 4th of July.

You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling,

and you didn't do anything the night before.

The cardiologist's diet:

if it tastes good, spit it out.

Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news:

the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

It's hard to be nostalgic when

you can't remember anything.

You know you're getting old when

you stop buying green bananas.

Last Will and Testament:

Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.